nevertheless i realise that my mom is everything for me in this planet. when i was 11 years old i was happy to be at side of who loved me as a only son. i was living a likely life even though i had not father. but anyhow i had a feelings that my dad was somewhere around. my mom had a disease that i was unable to stand as the man in the familly to save mom's life. she had a heart attack. no one could help her everytime everyday i was near to her just to be in our daily mood as usually. but i knew that she was not gonna live again with me. anyway, i tried all the best that i can do so she can come to her laugh, it didn't work. because my life was helpless and my familly was hopeless. no one to delay on no where to get help. even i if i was going to tell her about the hospital, she would have tell me that we have no money. and there i had nothing to do just to look at her eyes and to tell her how much she was or she's been in my life. sadly she scold me and tell me  "my son you know well how big life is but be a man on your own and if you wanna do something go ahead and do it because you'll make. it's not my wish to leave you lonely but the mere fact is i ain't survive because of this sickness, take heart i'll be always with you" anyway i didn't know that it was just the way of saying bye i tried to ask actualy the meaning of her words. she was like sleeping. and i went outside i spent at most a few munites because i thought maybe she was asleep. when i came back i woke her up and she wasn't able to do what i wanted her to do. and i realised that she wasn't again there for me. mom left me the way i'am. even though she wasn't able to open her eyes but she may hear her son somewhere where she was. i started saying  "every body have their joy mom even if theirs is not a good life but the seing each other,today you accepted to leave me alone who else i can share with my knowlege..."

there's much but i know that she left me because of money lack of good living.....i'll need her back to sit at my side just to suport me as sher usualy does. i want you back mom i still love you.

kevin degenerer